Skip the Sneaker Freaker

.....so occasionally you find a random item on Ebay that blows the mind due to its total devotion to.... well.... something:

SKIP THE SNEAKER FREAKER (sold for US$31, by Atho1970):

UP FOR AUCTION IS MY OLD MATE SKIP THE SNEAKER FREAKER. SKIP & I GO BACK, LIKE BACK IN THE DAYS. HE HAS TO FIND A NEW HOME NOW , WE HAVE TO PART OR OWN WAYS DUE TO HIM COMMING HOME WITH A PAIR OF 3RD RATE SHOES , I CAN TOLERATE A LOT , BUT A 3RD RATE SNEAKERS IS WRONG. HIS NEW OWNER WILL RECEIVE HIS SNEAKER COLLECTION ALSO DUE THEM BEING WAY TO SMALL FOR ME , OTHERWISE I WOULD KEEP THEM FOR MYSELF. HIS OWN COLLECTION IS IMPRESSIVE , APART FROM THAT 3RD RATE SHOE HE IS HOLDING IN THE SECOND PHOTO, ALSO HE HAS BEEN ACTING STRANGE SINCE I QUESTIONED HIS STANDARDS, HE BOUGHT A GUN HOME AND HE HAS STARTED DRINKING AND WEARING THAT SILLY HAT WHICH I DONT FIND FUNNY AT ALL . HE CAN TEACH YOU YOGA , HE FOLLOWS THE LEFT HAND PATH? NO SHIPPING TO ITALY AND SOUTH AUSTRALIA. PAYMENT DUE IN 5 DAYS , PAYPAL ONLY AND ALL ITEMS SHIPPED 24 HOURS AFTER PAYMENT RECEIVED. THIS IS NOT A JOKE , THIS IS A 12 INCH FULLY MOVABLE DOLL, CUSTOM BUILT BY ME.

SINCE I PUT SKIP UP FOR AUCTION HIS BEST MATE DAVE HAS SAID HE ISNT GOING ANYWHERE WITH OUT HIM , I DONT UNDERSTAND WHATS GOT INTO DAVE BUT SKIPS BEEN COOL ABOUT LEAVING, DAVE IS THE QUIET TYPE , HE DOES NOT DRINK , BUT IF HE DOES , HE KNOWS HOW TO PARTY , JUST LOOK AT HIM AND SKIP AFTER A NIGHT OUT AT THE OXFORD ARTS FACTORY, I EVEN AKSED JEROME IF HE AND COCO WANTED TO GO ALONG WITH SKIP AND DAVE ,BUT THEY DECLINED, ON THE GROUND THAT THE NEW OWNER MIGHT NOT LISTEN TO QUASIMOTO , WHICH IS FAIR ENOUGH. SO JEROME AND COCO WILL NOT BE JOININ, SKIP AND DAVE , I HAVE ALSO INCLUDED A PHOTO OF BOTH SKIP AND DAVES SHOE COLLECTION , HOW LUCKY ARE THESE TWO BASTARDS , BOTH ARE THE SAME SHOE SIZE. AND THEY BOTH LOVE RISSOTTO WITH ITALIAN FENNEL SAUSAGE ,ASPARAGUS AND RED WINE , WHICH I FIND STRANGE.

TO SKIP & DAVES NEW OWNERS , PLEASE DONT GIVE THEN ANY ALCOHOL, THEY CANNOT HANDLE IT, JUST LOOK AT HOW I FOUND DAVE THIS MORNING IN THE DOOR WAY ON MY WAY TO WALK THE DOGS, SOMEONE STOLE HIS JORDANS, THEY WERE OG, EVEN THE DOGS WERE NOT IMPRESSED.

Q: Hi there! How come you wont send to SA? Thanks. :)

A: BECAUSE I CAN . SKIP IS A REPRESENTATION OF A TYPICAL SOUTH AUSTRALIAN, SO I SEE NO NEED FOR HIM TO LIVE THERE , HE NEEDS TO GO OVERSEAS, TO GET SOME CULTURE IN HIM , ISNT THERE ENOUGH YOBOS IN SOUTH AUSTRALIA ALREADY. OH HE DRINKS COPPERS RED BY THE WAY, THATS FROM SOUTH AUSTRALIA.

....its inspiring really.